Tired of letting others ruin peace of mind? Discover Stoic secrets to staying calm, controlling emotions, & focusing on what matters in life!
If anyone has ever tried to overtake someone while driving near the speed limit on the highway, they’ve likely encountered someone in more of a hurry. When our maneuver takes longer than deemed appropriate, we’re probably met with a honk or the flashing of headlights.
Not retaliating against such insults, especially when we know we’re in the right, can make the ego feel defeated, leaving us seething for revenge. It’s as if we’ve lost and the other driver has won, leaving us behind, humiliated. Being overtaken or honked at somehow feels like a personal defeat.
Judgments, Not Events, Create Disturbance
Reflection on the encounter raised an important question: What had truly been done? Feelings of humiliation or defeat stemmed from layers of interpretation rather than the events themselvs.
Any sense of powerlessness or victimhood was not inherent in the situation but assigned through perception. The absence of retaliation does not define an outcome as a “loss.”
Epictetus
“It is not events that disturb people, it is their judgments concerning them.
Disturbances arose not from the people’s actions but from the meaning attached to them. When confronted with an upsetting situation, distinguishing between fact and interpretation offers a path to greater emotional resilience.
Epictetus
“Another person will not hurt you without your cooperation; you are hurt the moment you believe yourself to be.”
Preserving Peace of Mind
Emotional reactions are shaped by personal judgments. Maintaining inner balance serves as the true measure of resilience. The only true loss in a confrontation is the surrender of peace of mind.
Control over emotions should not be relinquished to external behavior. Frustration or distress need not be dictated by the actions of others. Rudeness or unreasonable conduct can be observed without the necessity of an emotional response.
Epictetus
“So when we are frustrated, angry, or unhappy, never hold anyone except ourselves—that is, our judgments—accountable.”
Recognizing this truth allows for a sense of freedom in choosing responses, fostering emotional strength and well-being.
Directing Energy Toward What Can Be Controlled
The Stoic perspective emphasizes that peace of mind arises from focusing only on what remains within personal responsibility.
Epictetus
“Is this something that is, or is not, in my control? And if it’s not one of the things that you control, be ready with the reaction, ‘Then it’s none of my concern.’”
Thoughts, emotions, and actions of others fall outside this realm of control. This does not imply indifference but highlights the unnecessary burden created by taking responsibility for external matters. Attempting to change others often leads to frustration while neglecting the ability to shape personal responses.
Modern habits frequently oppose Stoic wisdom, as energy is directed toward external circumstances, fueling distress over others’ words or actions. In doing so, self-governance is overlooked, as if reactions are dictated by external forces.
Suffering is reduced when interactions with difficult individuals are approached with Stoic principles. An individual becomes “irritating” only to the extent that such a judgment is accepted. As Epictetus taught, judgments belong solely to the one who makes them.
True effort is best placed in mastering internal responses. Strength is found in committing to control what is within reach and releasing attachment to everything else.
Summary
- The philosophy of Stoicism allows for greater adaptability in responses to challenging individuals.
- Interpretations, rather than events themselves, serve as the true source of distress.
- A sense of peace emerges when energy is redirected toward aspects that remain within personal control.